Rant of flower day

Lately I have been going through tough tough times in my relationship and I have had trouble too with my emotions. It is hard to listen to your heart when so many things are screaming at you at the same time. You think you know something, you think you know yourself, but when theory is over, and practice has begun, everything is not as it seemed. 

To see a past love, to meet new people, and to take an interest on them... Lately I have been thinking about oh so many things. I've felt past things, new things and similar things. And I think, what is it that I really want? I want it all. I want to have everything, and everyone in my disposition. I want to be myself, I want to be the real egocentric bitch that I am. I want everyone to do what I say, to think like I do, to take my orders without question, and to approve of all I choose and do. 

I want to love, I want to live, I want to dance, I want to sing, I want to play, I want to scream, I want to do nothing, I want to do it all, I want to know, I want to learn, I want to learn how to ignore, I want to be a kid, I want to be old, I want to be an adult, I just want it all! 

I could go on and blame that artistic side of me that overcomes my soul every month. I could go on and embrace my external locus and not take any part of this. But I should accept myself and my feelings, and acknowledge that I am mad, I am furious, I am frustrated, I am feeling sad, I am feeling betrayed, let down, dissappointed. But still I don't, because I am aware that I shouldn't feel like that, because all the people I know, all my friends, just everyone, they are to me what I think they are. And when what I think is, shows itself, everything changes. 

I have felt so many things in just a week, I don't know what I feel truly. I don't know what I want truly. I know I miss him, I know I think of him, I know I love him, I know I don't wanna leave him, I know I can do better, I know I "deserve" (for a lack of a better word) better, but I still don't want anymore, I want him. But I also want him. Why? 

I can love two people at the same time, but what was once, can't be twice. We all know that sequels aren't as better. And neither is better than the other, they both are unique, they both are special, they both are amazing. I feel stupid, I feel silly saying these things. Writing down the chaos that reigns my mind, the thoughts the everything. 

What can I do? I can do nothing. I shall do nothing. I will let time go by and live. Live like the world will end tomorrow, like my day was due yesterday because in the end, all we have is now, and what will we live, if we live to worry? Life is there for us to grasp and make ours. Step by step we get there.

Love And Being in Love, Worlds Apart

Many times we confuse these terms for they are very very similar. I find it important to state that they are NOT the same thing. Love, we love many people. We love family members, our pets, our partners, even material things. But we are not IN love with most of them. We are usually IN love with our partners or that special someone. 

What is the difference? Well, both situations we do express our feelings be it by favors, or by simply accompanying others or whatever it is we do. But, when we are IN love, the type of affection is very very different. We kiss in special places, we share very intimate moments, and not only that, but we want to spend with that other person every waking hour. Their happiness is our happiness. 

We constantly think about them, we desire them. I can love my friends, but I am not in love with them. I don't have this urge of showing my love constantly. Sure I can hug them, perhaps buy 'em gifts, but the things I'd do with a partner are very different to those I'd do with my friends. 

Love can be complicated sometimes but if you listen to your heart carefully, you can make out what it is telling you. Love your friends and be in love with that one special person that makes you feel awesome.

A Poem Called Kisses

Gabriela Mistral is one of my all time favorite poets, here is a poem translated by me called 'Besos' which means kisses. Why kisses? Because it is what I am craving for right now :P Enjoy.

There are kisses that pronounce by themselves
the condemnatory judgment of love,
there are kisses that are given with the eyes,
there are kisses that are given with the memory.

There are silent kisses, noble kisses
there are enigmatic kisses, sincere
there are kisses that are only given to the soul
there are prohibited kisses, true ones.

There are kisses that scorch and hurt,
there are kisses that knock out the senses,

there are mysterious kisses that have left
a thousand dreams lost and roaming.

There are problematic kisses that lock

a key that no one has deciphered,

there are kisses that bring out tragedy

how many clasped roses have let go.

There are perfumed kisses, warm kisses

that palpitate in intimate desires,

there are kisses that leave prints

like a sun field between two ices.

there are kisses that seem like lilies,

for they are sublime, ingenious and pure,

there are traitorous kisses and coward,

there are damned kisses and bewitched.

Judas kisses Jesus and leaves imprinted

in his God face, the felony,

while Magdalene with her kisses

fortifies his kind agony.

Since then in those kisses palpitates

the love,  the treachery, and the pain,

in human weddings they seem

like the wind that plays with the flowers.

There are kisses that produce delirium,

of lovely burning passion and craziness,

you know them well they are kisses of mine

made up by me, for your lips.

Fiery kisses that are imprinted in trail

they carry along the track of a banned love,

tempest kisses, wild kisses

that only our lips have tasted.

Do you remember the first...? Undefinable;
it covered your face with red blushes
and in the spasms of terrible emotion,
they covered with tears your eyes.

Do you remember that one afternoon in crazy excess
I saw you jealous imagining offenses,
I held you in my arms... a kiss vibrated,
and what did you see after...? Blood on my lips.

I taught you to kiss: the cold kisses
of impassible heart of rock,
I taught you to kiss with my kisses
invented by me, for your lips. 

.............. Pardon the horrible translation, I did the best I could. Hope you liked it.

Simple way of knowing if we are in love

 

I don't know if it has ever happened to you, but sometimes to me, a concept or an idea pops up at some point in the week, and it repeats itself until something ultimate happens. Well, this week's phenomena (hehe) was about love, but about being in love. 

How do we know when we are in love? This question was asked to me like a good five times, which is a lot considering no one ever asks me this. Even in movies the question was brought. So I started thinking about how do we know when we are in love.

I came up with an answer: You know you are in love with someone when you put that persons happiness and well being above yours. This pretty much sums up love for me. You see, when you love someone, you give of yourself and give up on things you want or prefer, but it's ok because when you see that person smile and be happy, something inside you turns on, a warmth and pretty much happiness. 

In this case we could determine if we are in love when the happiness of that other person is your happiness. If he/she is happy, then you are happy. And this can be applied to any type of love. This is a very simple way of knowing if you love someone. 

This is also why they say, "if you love someone you got to let them go". That other person's happiness is so important to you that if he/she is happy with someone else or without you, then you let that person be with or without she/he wants. 

Going a little bit personal here, this week me and my partner had a bump in the road and we had to stop there for a moment and have a reality check. Seemed like we were just going with the wind. Thing is that we asked ourselves if we loved each other. After thinking about it a whole night we came to the conclusion, (or at least I did!), that we do love each other. You ask me, how do I know I love my partner? Well, I know it because when I see him smile I feel happy, content. When I see something I know he will like, I get it for him, because I imagine my life with him and I feel alright and safe. That is how I know I love him. And in past experiences I have had different partners whom I've loved as well in a different level/way, because we are all different. And I've decided to end relationships because I considered that they're better off without me. 

With my past one, I felt that He could be and do much more if I weren't there, but I was happy to see him grow and mature with me, and I felt good cause I knew that I helped him grow as a person and an adult, and he helped me too. 

So to end this, it is hard to know if we truly love someone because of how different we all are. But I sure can say that part of being in love means the other person's happiness. If we don't care about what that other person desires, then it is not love. So if you ever have the doubt, ask yourself, are you willing to give or sacrifice of yourself for the happiness of that special person?

Don't be afraid

Earlier this week I had a deep conversation with my mother about love. She talked to me about how she gave unconditional love and still had always bad luck. Even then, she said, that we still need to show love. She said also something very peculiar to me abut how we should never be afraid or embarrassed to show our love or any other affection.
To love is to feel and love doesn't care about what other people think. Love should let be, so if you love against the odds, be strong and persist because love is more than that. You can do anything. 

Love is something very beautiful and natural that we shouldn't try to hide. Why should we feel ashamed of feeling? Well, we shouldn't. I understand that sometimes we are afraid to be neglected, but that is why we have to be brave, just like Gandhi said. 

Either way, like I mentioned in a past post, there are different types of love, and none of them should hold us back. If we feel like hugging someone, saying "I love you", dropping things to spend time with the other person and many other things, then we shouldn't feel ashamed. 

On the contrary, we should feel great. We should be grateful that we can experience that which many seek yet can't find/feel. It's natural to feel alive, it's good to feel happy. 

So I tell you to go ahead and show a little <a lot> love.

Ghandi on Love

*Romeo and Juliet

A very wise man once said:

"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave."

That very wise man was Mohandas Gandhi. 

It is because we listen to wise men that we avoid many troubles in live and one of the reasons why get to grow old. With that said, I'd like to abound a little bit more on this quote.

In other words, what I understand Gandhi is trying to tell us is that, he says that to love, is to be courageous. But why? Why only the brave ones can love?

Gandhi knew that love is a very powerful thing. 

Previously, we discussed how love can give you a lot and take it away as easy. Well, it is yet another argument that repeats itself. You see, the pain caused by Love is one so strong, it can cause despair and make us feel like Life just spit us on the face and laughed while it walked away from us. But let us not be completely negative.

Love sure can harm us but it can also bring us amazing happiness and joy. This is why love is for the brave ones. You see, when we meddle with love, we bet on our happiness and well being. We bet to win, but we very well know that we can lose. One has to be very brave to accept the possibility of love even knowing what the consecuences are. Not only that, but love means SACRIFICE. When you love someone, you must give a big part of yourself to the person, but NEVER completely, and be willing to sacrifice preferences for the conformity of you and your partner. 

Cowards will never be able to do this, because cowards don't stand risk. They very well know the benefits of Love but they also know the other side of it. Not that sacrifice is bad, but sometimes it takes a lot of work and will to say no to things you like to please your partner or to get to a middle point.

In very unjust and cruel words, relationships are, to a certain point, like corporations or contracts between two people, because you have to agree on pretty much anything to avoid misunderstandings and bad times.

But love itself, going back to the point strictly, can be very painful. You can fall in love with someone and never be loved by that person. Sometimes love can give you a lot of hope and it can dissapoint you. So in this sense, love, in itself, is something that takes a lot of courage to embrace because of all the odds that are against you. 

Another thing we should keep in mind is that, love has many ways to be. Love is not only the relationship, sexual type. There are different types of love, and this argument applies to each and every kind of love. Raising a family is something for people with the courage to fight for their families. Also, we have to take into consideration the kind of love that society dissaproves, for example homosexual love. To declare your heart in this society, to a person of your same sexual gender, takes a <shit> load of courage. Only brave people can say "I am gay. I like men even though I am a man myself." or "I love women, even though I am a woman  myself". I admire all those people that stand up in the name of love for themselves and don't care what others think. Because these people know that love is above ALL that. That Love has NO RULES. That love is dangerous but its many many times worth it.

But either way, I can assure you that most of the people that have experienced love, including those who have gotten that which they hoped for, and those that didn't, don't regret giving love a chance. Because love is something so powerful, and so beautiful,  that is a bittersweet relationship that you just can't get enough of. 

And if you do feel like love isn't for you, or that you simply have bad luck, I exhort you to not give up love because love is one of the few universal things that we all have a right to, and that is capable of anything and everything and once it hits you with its best shot, you will feel like nothing can stop you. Sure you had a bad experience but love will come once again and make those bad memories go away, even if by a period of time. But I assure you that, if you still remember that bad experience, you will start to give it less and less important because love will help you grow and understand the mechanisms on which life works and show you that no one has the power, or should have the power to make you feel bad. 

So if you want to feel that magnificent force, and experience the best thing ever invented by God, go ahead and love.

If Dr. Seuss wrote love stories...

Here's something simple and a little bit more creative, made for you, from the top of my head.

She never knew what Life had in store for her. She just got on with her day like she would any day. Same things, same people, nothing new was going on. She hoped and she dreamt of a day when she would be happy. Things weren't going so well, you see... But then again she didn't feel so miserable until the other day when she was asked, when was she loved last. It was then when colors seemed faded to her. Food didn't taste the same, and smiles weren't anymore. 

So she went to work, she visited her mom, and then again she was home. She sat alone and watched TV, while eating some rice and fish. She sighed when she saw, that which was turned on... A couple, like any other, holding hands, spending some time, and kissing while the moon shined in the sky. 

But little she knew, that hers was yet to come...

It was now 10 o'clock when she heard a knock. Then she pondered, to get up or not. She didn't feel like standing up! But the knocks didn't stop, and persistent as they were, they convinced her to attend the door.

Sighing again, she opened a threshold, never opened before... It was her very own. To her amazement, she contemplated a man, a man so beautiful she thought was sent from God. This man stared at her, and rapidly said: "Sorry mam, I've lost my way. Would you be so kind, as to lend me a hand? I'm looking for something, yet I don't know what."

She stood still for a moment, not sure what to do, so many doubts, to suspect or to trust, but she did resigned, and invited him in. 

The man stepped inside and was standing so still, she looked and she wondered, why was he like this?

So she walked up to him and poked the poor man, and said: "Dear sir, you've lost me now too, what is it that you seek for, and how can I help you?" 

He then moved his head and sighing he said: "Oh woman, I don't know. Some strange things have happened that I just can't explain. I seek of your guidance, I seek of you girl"

Surprised by his words, she couldn't believe what she just now heard. Was this a mistake? Is this man insane?

And driven by passion, that man couldn't contain, he walked towards her and planted a kiss on her face. Then nervous as ever, someone could ever be, he hold her in his arms as he said: "I'm sorry miss".

She knew how she should have felt, but she couldn't resist, the love from this man, so strange as it is. And as the silence filled the room, so loud as it ever is, she responded this strange love and gave him another kiss. 

And as the scene faded away, background music was heard. And hearts and strange signs came from out of their heads. It was a romantic story, a strange one, nonetheless, but it's purpose does serve.

For love works, in many, many mysterious ways. So if you're ever alone, and hear a knock on the door, don't think it twice, open up, because you may never know if you closed your heart, to love.

A Tip on How to Know When He/She Is The One

Evening, I hope you are having a nice day or night! Today I would like to talk a little bit about how you can tell if you are meant to be with your partner.

First of all, I would like to say that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Actually, there is such thing, but the word 'perfect' probably has a different meaning to most people, but about this I'll ponder upon later. Point is that a way to know if your relationship is good and durable, there is one tiny (super) detail.

One day I was talking to a cousin of mine and he said something that called my attention and, even years after, it still is in my mind. He said, "The girl that I won't miss when away, and that I don't get tired of being around with, is the girl I will marry." Or something along the lines... 

The first thing that struck me of this statement was the fact that he said 'not missing when away'. I have thought about this through and through and I've finally come to understand this part of the statement. Of course you can miss your partner when away but you don't depend on your partner. It's like what I talked about in the other post, each of us are individuals, and even in relationships, no matter how intertwined we are with each other, we should always be ourselves and be able to cope with life's details. Of course we can do favors and lighten the burden of our loved ones ever so often, but here, a lot of us fail when we pamper our partners to the point that they just stop doing things themselves, or maybe we are the ones that are over-pampered. The problem is that when we are miles and miles apart from our loved ones we are incapable of doing many things. 

Other than physically being codependent with our partners, we can be emotionally dependent of them. It is not healthy to become piles of excrement, in lack of a better expression, when we are alone. We need to understand that our partners will still love us no matter how far they are and that they will eventually come back. So mood up and pamper yourself this time, use this free time to get in tone with yourself and catch up with your spiritual side, maybe. Anyways...

The other part is the one that says 'never be tired of being around with'. This statement can't get more obvious, imo. But anyways, this means that we are willing to spend anytime necessary with our partners and do all sorts of things together, most importantly it means that we wont get bored with them. Now careful on this, if you are indeed bored with your partner, maybe it's not them, maybe it's the routine so be careful on how you go about this and think on what you could do to make it better. Also, not always we have to be doing something for entertainment, lounging is something both can do at the same time or just cuddling. Also, sometimes you might be bored with your partner and that is totally normal! The problem is when this boredom is there always to the point you just don't want to spend time with your loved one no more. If this happens, I suggest you think of a way to deal with this situation and if after a few tries nothing gets better then, sadly it wasn't meant to be.

Well this post is getting long, before I say goodnight, I'd like to say that this simple way of noticing how your relationship is with a person, is not a rule of being. We are all different and what is true to me, is not necessarily true to you. So again, be careful on how you go around things, especially with emotions because it hurts so much when we are being toyed with or when people are just so inconsiderate to our feelings. So wrapping this up, I promise I will do now :s, I say to you think, but not too much, live, but in balance and love without limits.

To Keep In Mind

Earlier today I was working on an investigation where I have to read different newspaper articles that have to do with psychology. The point is that I was reading an article called The Psychology of Love and it talked about some things that we tend to forget when we are involved in a relationship. 

One of the things it said, and that I wish to ponder upon in this post, is that we tend to refer to ourselves and our partner as one. I will not say this isn't true because I have found myself doing so. I will admit that I like the idea of being one in the same with my partner but there is something to this that we should be careful with. 

What is it? Well, we tend to forget ourselves in our relationships and forget that we were once someone. We should keep in mind that we have our own identity and that precisely for that is why our partner fell for us in the first place. We shouldn't change for no one because in the end, sadly, things aren't permanent and we can't become dependant on our partners. Not only that but, we should always remember what our  goals and values are. We aren't someone because of something or somebody else. 

We should always shine with our own light, and we should always stand out for ourselves. When we fail to do this we lose ourselves in ideals and fantasies and forget who we are, why and who we love and what is it that made the relationship be.

Mexican Soap Operas And Their Meaningful Moments: What Lies Beyond The Dramatic Slaps.

Today I was watching a soap opera, a Mexican one, and even though I hate those, I got to admit that I'm a fool for this one. It is one about love. Love being the root of every single tragedy that happens in this novel. But, why so pessimistic? Well, not really. It also shows the power of love that Celine Dion once sung about.

The reason, though, why I bring this up is because one of my favorite characters said something that really got me thinking. He said "When we dream that we are dreaming, it means we are about to wake up.". Now, I want to take a second and analyze this deeper.

What did he mean? Well, when we are in pain, caused maybe by the heart, and I don't mean physically but emotionally, we might not realize what is wrong in our picture. We are so focused in a specific thing and we fail to see what that specific thing is a part of. I mean, we see what we want to see, what we want to believe, and sometimes that only brings us despair, but because we deny ourselves the privilege to understand, we feel lost and deepen ourselves in sorrow. When we take a step back because we notice a glitch in our way of thought, we then realize that things perhaps aren't what we thought they were and exactly THERE is when we notice that we are dreaming in our dream.

But what next? Well, when we realize that we are dreaming, and realize things aren't as they seem to us, we start searching for answers and we start pinching ourselves to confirm that in fact we are dreaming. It is then, when we finally hit the wall and realize that our worries are in fact true, we wake up. But we don't wake up only to see an ugly truth, we wake up to make it beautiful. We wake up and it's in us that lies the power to search for that which we wanted in the first place, be it love, happiness, peace.

It's like superheroes tell us all the time, we gotta be strong in the face of the enemy and in the face of sorrow, and even if we fall we gotta have enough fortitude to rise once more and be stronger than before because what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I rest my case now, and I invite everyone to pinch yourselves every once in a while and make sure that you are not being sold rabbits for cats, as a saying in Spanish goes. But most importantly, when you wake up, don't fall back asleep and don't give yourself to sorrow and pity but fight for what you want. Even if you don't believe so, everything has a different way to it. Don't lose hope.

Socrates on love

“And do you think, you foolish fellow, that the fair inject nothing when they kiss, just because you don't see it? Don't you know that this creature called ‘fair and young’ is more dangerous than the scorpion, seeing that it need not even come in contact, like the insect, but at any distance can inject a maddening poison into anyone who only looks at it?”

Love is a poisonous thing that fills us with strong feelings that can take away everything but it can also give you everything. Socrates believed it was even stronger and more dangerous than a scorpion because other than having a better poison, it could inject you with such without even touching you.

Socrates was a very wise man. He left us with many lessons yet to discover and even after thousands of years we still learn about his teachings. I believe that this particular set of words are without doubt 100% right. When one is in love, one can do anything and is capable of anything. We walk on the air, we can stay up many nights, we can even go without eating anything with love by our sides. 

There is of course a different face of love that we like to ignore and that brings us back and even deeper into Socrates words. Love can take it all away. Love can wake up within you forces that you never knew you had, but the same way it brings you happiness, it brings you pain. Love is for the masochists in us. When it hurts us, it does in such way we can't bare life at the moment. We need to pull ourselves back up and ponder upon our situations. Love disables us from time to time and makes us consider horrible things. 

A broken heart by love is one that will always forever be scarred just to remind us that love can bring you so much and take it away as fast. This is why it is a very powerful venom, even more dangerous than a scorpion, but is it worth it?

I believe that while love can do so much pain, it can do much more happiness and pleasantness. A life without love, is it worth living? Love makes us feel alive, even if its pain or happiness and satisfaction, it brings so much of a feeling we just have to grasp it and feel more than alive, feel life.

Reference: 

http://heritage-key.com/blogs/owenjarus/top-10-socrates-quotes-reflect-upon